So I just have to stop and reflect and think about all the things that I am truly thankful for this year. I just knew this Christmas was going to be hard, and this would be a bad year, after the way our year began.....As many of you know, my Grampy Art died 3 days after Christmas last year, completely unexpected. To say it was a huge blow was an understatement......it felt almost as if someone had sucker punched me in the lungs, and that I couldn't catch my breath; it was awful! Now I know no one likes death, but I especially hate seeing someone close to me pass on. It seems like God has a funny timing of taking things/people away from you just when you want them there the most.
The only other Grandfather that I had, whom I was always very fond of, passed away 3 days before my niece, his first great-grandchild was born. We were preparing ourselves for that loss, as he had been sick for a while, but it still didn't make it any easier. I can't even begin to think about the number of times that I cried myself to sleep that first year after he was gone.....everyone always tells you it gets easier, but guess what, it doesn't. I still find myself crying when I stop and start to think about life, time with him, or when I stop by the graveside. Life seemed so unfair that he would never get to know any of great-grandchildren, and that he would never get to experience any of our pregnancies/births with the family. Now I am a firm believer in God and I know once he left this Earth he got to meet both L and A before we all did, but it was, and still is very hard to not have him around.
Now we are coming up on the first year since Grampy Art has been gone, and like I said, his passing was completely and totally unsuspected. I still keep reliving that day thru my head and just want to pinch myself and wake myself up from this horrible, horrible dream. I was so angry when he died, I had so many questions that I wanted answered and no where to turn to get them answered. It was a definite test of my faith. But then on December 1st God showed us all here on Earth exactly why he took both Grandpa and Grampy Art to be there with him. We definitely needed all the angels we could get looking out for Baby T and his mom that day, so it makes sense that the 2 of the 3 most amazing men that I know were doing it from up there, with our God. I thank God everyday for our precious little miracle, but I also have to stop and think about Baby T's 2 Guardian angels that he will never meet, but surely will be looking down on him each and every day.
I have tried so hard to keep it together this holiday, and I have done quite well so far. I had a minor break down at dinner on Christmas Eve, and then again that evening when we toasted Grampy Art, but I am going to need all the strength I can get to get thru this next week. It will be nice that I will be joining in on one of Grampy Art's great passions on the year anniversary of his passing, OSU football. I will be in San Antonio that day, but I know I will stop and think about him and all the great times that we had with him here. Grampy Art, I miss you like crazy and love you to death!! Thank you soooooo much for looking out for Baby T during his traumatic entry into this world! Just know that every time I look at that sweet baby's face I am reminded of the wonderful angels you and Grandpa have been to him. So, Merry Christmas to you Grampy Art and Grandpa!!!!!! I love you and miss you more everyday......
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