So I just have to stop and reflect and think about all the things that I am truly thankful for this year. I just knew this Christmas was going to be hard, and this would be a bad year, after the way our year began.....As many of you know, my Grampy Art died 3 days after Christmas last year, completely unexpected. To say it was a huge blow was an understatement......it felt almost as if someone had sucker punched me in the lungs, and that I couldn't catch my breath; it was awful! Now I know no one likes death, but I especially hate seeing someone close to me pass on. It seems like God has a funny timing of taking things/people away from you just when you want them there the most.
The only other Grandfather that I had, whom I was always very fond of, passed away 3 days before my niece, his first great-grandchild was born. We were preparing ourselves for that loss, as he had been sick for a while, but it still didn't make it any easier. I can't even begin to think about the number of times that I cried myself to sleep that first year after he was gone.....everyone always tells you it gets easier, but guess what, it doesn't. I still find myself crying when I stop and start to think about life, time with him, or when I stop by the graveside. Life seemed so unfair that he would never get to know any of great-grandchildren, and that he would never get to experience any of our pregnancies/births with the family. Now I am a firm believer in God and I know once he left this Earth he got to meet both L and A before we all did, but it was, and still is very hard to not have him around.
Now we are coming up on the first year since Grampy Art has been gone, and like I said, his passing was completely and totally unsuspected. I still keep reliving that day thru my head and just want to pinch myself and wake myself up from this horrible, horrible dream. I was so angry when he died, I had so many questions that I wanted answered and no where to turn to get them answered. It was a definite test of my faith. But then on December 1st God showed us all here on Earth exactly why he took both Grandpa and Grampy Art to be there with him. We definitely needed all the angels we could get looking out for Baby T and his mom that day, so it makes sense that the 2 of the 3 most amazing men that I know were doing it from up there, with our God. I thank God everyday for our precious little miracle, but I also have to stop and think about Baby T's 2 Guardian angels that he will never meet, but surely will be looking down on him each and every day.
I have tried so hard to keep it together this holiday, and I have done quite well so far. I had a minor break down at dinner on Christmas Eve, and then again that evening when we toasted Grampy Art, but I am going to need all the strength I can get to get thru this next week. It will be nice that I will be joining in on one of Grampy Art's great passions on the year anniversary of his passing, OSU football. I will be in San Antonio that day, but I know I will stop and think about him and all the great times that we had with him here. Grampy Art, I miss you like crazy and love you to death!! Thank you soooooo much for looking out for Baby T during his traumatic entry into this world! Just know that every time I look at that sweet baby's face I am reminded of the wonderful angels you and Grandpa have been to him. So, Merry Christmas to you Grampy Art and Grandpa!!!!!! I love you and miss you more everyday......
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Baby T Update
Well it has been quite a while since I have been able to get on here, but it was all for good reasons. God has answered all of our prayers and allowed Baby T to come home on Monday, December 13th. It was absolutely miraculous, and words cannot describe the feelings that we have for God answering our prayers. I am sure my whole family can attest to the fact that we have been on "cloud 9" for the past week, just reeling from the joy that he got to come home!! Now we will have an even more amazing Christmas with Baby T at home. I just wanted to thank you all for praying for my sweet baby nephew, and would love for you guys to continue to pray for his health. I would love to be back on here in 3 years and say that Baby T made a complete recovery and that he has no brain damage at all, and suffers no ill side-effects from the loss of oxygen in utero! Thanks again for everything, and I will leave you with an adorable pic of my sweet baby T!!
Thursday, December 9, 2010
More Baby T
So it has been a few days since I posted anything, but I just had to update and let everyone know just how good God is!! Baby T is doing extremely well! They pulled his ventilator and finished the EEG both on Monday. We were very hopeful to receive good news from the neurologist on Tuesday, and we basically did. The Dr was astounded with his progress up to this point, and he is "cautiously optimistic" that Tristan will make a full recovery/not have any brain damage. He is literally a super-baby! God must have needed to show everyone just how amazing his work is, and that you can truly believe in miracles, b/c it sure is shining through today!!!
This morning upon the arrival at the hospital, they discovered that baby T no longer had his nasal cannula in his nose. When they removed him from the ventilator the other day, his blood gas levels began to drop, so they had to give him some oxygen to help keep his levels up. Well once discovering that it was gone, it was also soon discovered that they removed the lines from his umbilical cord/belly button as well. They were suppose to start a PICC line last night, but unfortunately were not able to, as his veins kept "blowing out". They were able to give him a binky yesterday, and this morning the dr wanted to see if we would be able to eat 8 milliliters of breast milk from a bottle. Well much to their surprise, baby T just sucked it right down!! So they decided to see if he could eat 8 milliliters twice today, and perhaps while nursing from L, so they tried and guess what, he ate 36 milliliters!!! 4 1/2 times what they wanted him to be able to eat at one time!!! He is seriously absolutely amazing!! So that meant since L had to nurse him, she got to hold him, for the first time ever. It took a whole week of his life to get him to this point, but God is amazing and has allowed the miracle that is baby T shine through during such an amazing holiday season! So now L and C have finally been able to enjoy one of the many perks of a new baby, the gift of being able to hold their sweet baby. (I have to say, I am uber-jealous, but I know that in due time, Ne-Ne will be able to hold this bundle of joy, and further tighten the chain that he has on my heart, just as his cousins, L & A have!)
All these strides are absolutely amazing, and we continue to look daily for more miracle strides. The Physical Therapist was a little concerned that maybe his muscles were tight in his legs, so after checking him out today, they discovered it wasn't the legs that had the problems, but possibly his arms. So now we will pray for baby T's muscles to become more loose, and strong, so that we may get him home sooner to his mom and dad. Again, I would like to thank each and every one of you that has prayed for my family, and continues to pray for my family. It truly is a testament to the many great people that we have in our life, and it is nice to be able to share a miraculous story this holiday season!!!
This morning upon the arrival at the hospital, they discovered that baby T no longer had his nasal cannula in his nose. When they removed him from the ventilator the other day, his blood gas levels began to drop, so they had to give him some oxygen to help keep his levels up. Well once discovering that it was gone, it was also soon discovered that they removed the lines from his umbilical cord/belly button as well. They were suppose to start a PICC line last night, but unfortunately were not able to, as his veins kept "blowing out". They were able to give him a binky yesterday, and this morning the dr wanted to see if we would be able to eat 8 milliliters of breast milk from a bottle. Well much to their surprise, baby T just sucked it right down!! So they decided to see if he could eat 8 milliliters twice today, and perhaps while nursing from L, so they tried and guess what, he ate 36 milliliters!!! 4 1/2 times what they wanted him to be able to eat at one time!!! He is seriously absolutely amazing!! So that meant since L had to nurse him, she got to hold him, for the first time ever. It took a whole week of his life to get him to this point, but God is amazing and has allowed the miracle that is baby T shine through during such an amazing holiday season! So now L and C have finally been able to enjoy one of the many perks of a new baby, the gift of being able to hold their sweet baby. (I have to say, I am uber-jealous, but I know that in due time, Ne-Ne will be able to hold this bundle of joy, and further tighten the chain that he has on my heart, just as his cousins, L & A have!)
All these strides are absolutely amazing, and we continue to look daily for more miracle strides. The Physical Therapist was a little concerned that maybe his muscles were tight in his legs, so after checking him out today, they discovered it wasn't the legs that had the problems, but possibly his arms. So now we will pray for baby T's muscles to become more loose, and strong, so that we may get him home sooner to his mom and dad. Again, I would like to thank each and every one of you that has prayed for my family, and continues to pray for my family. It truly is a testament to the many great people that we have in our life, and it is nice to be able to share a miraculous story this holiday season!!!
Monday, December 6, 2010
Baby T
Well, today (Dec 5th) was the 5th day that T has been in this crazy world. He has made some major progressions over these past couple of days that are showing such a huge improvement!! It is great to see him taking small steps that will equal a large step in him getting healthy. Baby T made it through the 72 hour cooling process and they were able to warm him up 2 days ago without any complications. We were bracing ourselves for what could have been bad news, but thank the Lord, he did wonderful!!! The nurses had explained to L and C that baby T could go into distress during this warming process, and that is why the take the warming slow. They warmed his body temp up .5 a degree at a time until he was at a normal temp of 98.6 degrees. The nurse that actually was there during this process said that usually babies will have some type of stress and that will cause their vitals to drop, so she gave up her other patient that day to sit by T all day and watch him. He did just wonderful, and not 1 time did any of his vitals drop, nor did he suffer any problems!! He is such a trooper!!
Today, baby T was doing so well that they were able to remove his IV out of his hand (which was apparently quite a feat for him to keep the same one in that hand anyways, as newborns, especially sick babies, have a hard time of keeping the same IV line during the process of needing an IV). They also were able to remove his catheter, as baby T is just moving right along with going pee-pee!! Who knew that I would be celebrating pee-pee parties with my 2 year old niece and nephew for using the big potty, but also for my 4 day old nephew for just going pee-pee at all, during the same time in my life!!! It really is amazing to see God's work unfold! I become very overwhelmed and start to cry every time I stop and think about how many people are praying for this little guy!! It is almost embarrassing when you break down in public in a crying fit b/c you are just so emotional. I lost it about 3 days ago during dinner at McAllisters, and I know I probably looked like a fool crying in the middle of that restaurant, but then the next day I went with my mom to Build-A-Bear to make a puppy for baby T (since that is the theme of his nursery.) We picked out the puppy and went to have it made and it was like God just reached down out of the sky and showed us just how many people were praying right then and there. We handed the puppy over to be stuffed, and the woman asked us who it was for and how old he was. We said his name and that he was 3 days old, and the woman actually knew who he was! She went to school with L a while back and had heard about baby T, she let us know she had been praying for him, and that many other people were. It was a very emotional moment, and very hard to remain calm and strong in the middle of the mall. God is so amazing!!!
So now we are at the point where baby T is making some great improvements. L was discharged from the hospital today, and as I am sure so many mothers have experienced, was none too happy to be leaving her baby behind. It is hard to really stop and think about how hard that is to come to the hospital with baby but not leave with him, right now. She is super strong though, so she is making it work. But they have already been back up once to visit tonight, and then she will be spending everyday with him while C has to go back to work. Baby T will come off of the ventilator tomorrow, and he will be having a brain ultrasound tomorrow to check for any bleeding on his brain. Please continue to pray that baby T looks wonderful and that he will be home as quickly as possible!! L, C, and baby T will be having a big week this week with him getting off the ventilator, having the brain ultrasound, and having his pediatric neurologist appointment. They are still running an EEG (brain scan) on him as we speak. The neurologist decided to run it longer than 24 hours (baby T has been going at it now for 51 hours now), actually indefinitely until he says otherwise, so that is hard to wait and see why and what the outcome is. I am continuing to pray that we only receive good news from that!
So thank you everyone, for your kind thoughts, comments, and wonderful prayers so far. It truly is amazing to see how many people are praying for this little guy and his family to make it! God is answering our prayers, and will continue to answer them!
Today, baby T was doing so well that they were able to remove his IV out of his hand (which was apparently quite a feat for him to keep the same one in that hand anyways, as newborns, especially sick babies, have a hard time of keeping the same IV line during the process of needing an IV). They also were able to remove his catheter, as baby T is just moving right along with going pee-pee!! Who knew that I would be celebrating pee-pee parties with my 2 year old niece and nephew for using the big potty, but also for my 4 day old nephew for just going pee-pee at all, during the same time in my life!!! It really is amazing to see God's work unfold! I become very overwhelmed and start to cry every time I stop and think about how many people are praying for this little guy!! It is almost embarrassing when you break down in public in a crying fit b/c you are just so emotional. I lost it about 3 days ago during dinner at McAllisters, and I know I probably looked like a fool crying in the middle of that restaurant, but then the next day I went with my mom to Build-A-Bear to make a puppy for baby T (since that is the theme of his nursery.) We picked out the puppy and went to have it made and it was like God just reached down out of the sky and showed us just how many people were praying right then and there. We handed the puppy over to be stuffed, and the woman asked us who it was for and how old he was. We said his name and that he was 3 days old, and the woman actually knew who he was! She went to school with L a while back and had heard about baby T, she let us know she had been praying for him, and that many other people were. It was a very emotional moment, and very hard to remain calm and strong in the middle of the mall. God is so amazing!!!
So now we are at the point where baby T is making some great improvements. L was discharged from the hospital today, and as I am sure so many mothers have experienced, was none too happy to be leaving her baby behind. It is hard to really stop and think about how hard that is to come to the hospital with baby but not leave with him, right now. She is super strong though, so she is making it work. But they have already been back up once to visit tonight, and then she will be spending everyday with him while C has to go back to work. Baby T will come off of the ventilator tomorrow, and he will be having a brain ultrasound tomorrow to check for any bleeding on his brain. Please continue to pray that baby T looks wonderful and that he will be home as quickly as possible!! L, C, and baby T will be having a big week this week with him getting off the ventilator, having the brain ultrasound, and having his pediatric neurologist appointment. They are still running an EEG (brain scan) on him as we speak. The neurologist decided to run it longer than 24 hours (baby T has been going at it now for 51 hours now), actually indefinitely until he says otherwise, so that is hard to wait and see why and what the outcome is. I am continuing to pray that we only receive good news from that!
So thank you everyone, for your kind thoughts, comments, and wonderful prayers so far. It truly is amazing to see how many people are praying for this little guy and his family to make it! God is answering our prayers, and will continue to answer them!
Friday, December 3, 2010
Baby T
Wow, let's just say that the last couple of days have been super rough!!!! I am not quite sure how I have made it to this point, but here I am, awake, still, wondering how baby T is doing. Well let me explain first what got us here. My brother and his girlfriend (a.k.a. sis-n-law, LOL) were expecting a healthy and handsome baby boy December 15th. Everything has gone (for the most part) without a hiccup the entire pregnancy.
Last week she (L) started to experience some contractions, which was thought to be labor. So on Thanksgiving Eve, I took L and brother (C) to the hospital to get her checked out. We just knew this was the real deal, she had been dilated to a 3 at the Dr's office, and was 80% effaced, and at a -1 station, so things were already pretty progressed. We went in they hooked her up and started monitoring her. They could see she was having contractions and was in a little bit of pain. After speaking with the Dr, they decided to keep her for 4 hours for observation. We were told that if her cervix made any change at all, they would be keeping her and letting her progress with labor. Well, of course, (since baby T is the first for her) she made no change, so they sent us home. Obviously L and C were disappointed, but we were ready to wait it out for precious baby T. So on comes Monday and L is in quite a bit of pain, so she called the Dr and they had her come in to take a look. When they checked her she was dilated to a 4, 90% effaced and still at a -1 station. The Dr was pretty sure that she was in labor, so he sent her on over to the hospital to get hooked up and get rocking and rolling with this baby. Well, needless to say after being at the hospital for 3 hours her cervix made no change again, although she was having contractions about every 2 min, so they sent us home again. On Tuesday, L was still in quite a bit of pain but was going to wait it out. The Dr's nurse had heard that they didn't keep her and that she was still laboring it out, so she called L and had her come to the office to see the Dr that was on-call for the day. L and C go to the office to get checked out, thinking that they will probably be sent over to the hospital to have her water broken so labor can get started, only to find out the Dr didn't think she was far enough along in labor to jump-start the process, so they sent her home. Again, L and C were very disappointed. That afternoon L got a call from the Dr's office letting her know that if baby T isn't here by Dec 9th then they were going to induce her that day.
Now, that all brings us to yesterday. I told you all that so you can see how healthy the baby was, and how good mom was doing just progressing along with labor. Yesterday morning, L, left C's apartment to go get her mail from her mom's house. She was on her way back to the apartment when a man ran a stop sign and basically hit L head on. L was driving the speed limit, which was 55 mph, so she had no time to brake and get stopped before being hit. The force caused the air-bags to deploy, and you can all see where this is going, as L was 38 weeks pregnant yesterday. She was taken by ambulance to the hospital where they made the swift decision to deliver baby T as he was in distress. He had a very faint heart beat, so they knew that they had to move fast. They immediately rushed L back for an emergency c-section, so C was not allowed to be in attendance. As soon as they got to baby T they could tell he was not in good condition, and immediately moved him up to the NICU. C went with baby T to get the news for L and the family. It was definitely not the news that we were hoping or praying for. Baby T was without oxygen for quite some time, and he lost a lot of blood, as the placenta abrupted from mom at some point. Due to his blood loss and lack of oxygen, his body temp was elevated. In order to help reduce his temp and to keep baby T healthy, they have had to place him on a "cooling mat" that regulates the temperature of water that runs through a small pillow-like mat that baby T is resting his head on. This mat is helping to keep his body temp at 92.8 degrees while they continue to do work on him and help him survive.
That now brings us to today, where baby T is still in the NICU, and fighting for his life. He lost a lot of blood due to this incident and has therefore had to have 3 blood transfusions. His heart rate was low in the beginning, but it is working it's way back up. His blood pressure was also very low, so they have been administering meds to him to elevate his pressure. His pressure is getting to where it needs to be, so they are starting to wean him off of them, and we are praying that he keeps his blood pressure at a normal rate. Now, this has just turned into a waiting game, waiting to see what will happen in 72 hours. The 72 hours comes into play, as he has to be on the cooling mat for 72 hours, to give his brain a chance to heal itself, and reduce any chance of brain damage. This has to be the hardest part for L and C. I sit here and cry now, just thinking about baby T, and the uncertainty that lies ahead. Don't get me wrong, baby T is making progress, quite a bit of progress, as he is working on taking more breaths on his own (as the ventilator has been doing most of his breathing for him for the last 2 days). He also started to try to open his eyes today to see L and C when they would talk to him. This poor little baby has not even been able to be held and comforted by mom yet. He is sedated due to the medicine, so L and C are not allowed to stimulate him too much. They can say his name softly, and just lay a finger on him, but that is it. They have to stand to the side and watch the machines work on their baby, and continue to pray for the wonderful news that we shall receive very soon. Baby T has been on that mat for about 36 hours right now, so we still have another 36 to go. I never knew how hard it was to just wait for 72 hours to pass.
I am not sure how L and C have made it to this point. I am an emotional wreck. I am only the Ne-Ne (a.k.a an Aunt to many of you,) but this little guy means the world to me!!! I never knew in all the 26 years of my life that I could ever love someone as much as I love T, and my other niece (L) and nephew (A). I literally get out of bed every morning for them. I go to work every day for them, so that I may give them everything they could ever want. These kids are my world!! I would die for any one of them, at any point, for any reason. I am just so unbelievably thankful to be a Ne-Ne to 3 amazing little kids, and I am truly blessed for that. I am sure that L and C know it, but I would literally give up my life so that baby T could just wake up and be okay. I pray everyday that I could take all of the pain/trauma out of his body and allow me to fight this fight for him. He is such a tough little guy and a fighter already, and I know he has a ton of prayers going up for him. Someone up there (a.k.a. Grandpa and Grampy Art) sure are looking out for this little guy, b/c things could have ended so differently already. I am just working on trying to be strong for L and C and the family for this little guy. Every time I have walked away from his room I lose strength just a little more. I just hate to leave him up there, and I hate the fear of the unknown. I am not a patient person, so waiting for this news is killing me!!! I am feeling extremely guilty that there isn't more that I can do to help them and help baby T. I feel guilty for being able to come home and get in my bed and sleep (when I can) away from all the noise and trauma. I feel guilty for baby T b/c he can't enjoy his life yet, this is just an awful way to come into this world.
L and C are already amazing parents! But they are starting to feel the shock of this whole situation. Being C's big sister, I hate to see him hurt. I cannot physically stand to see him cry, (I think it is a guy thing b/c I can't stand to see my dad cry either). I understand that L and C may break down occasionally, and rightfully so, but they have been soooo strong!! They are making several trips a day to the other side of the hospital up and down several different elevators to check on baby T. It is getting hard on L and C to see their baby this way, so helpless, just laying there with a gazillion tubes and wires coming from his tiny little body, and it is staring to show. So I will continue to pray for L and C to have the strength they need to make it through this time, and to continue to be the rocks that baby T needs them to be. I would love if you would continue to pray for my family as we go through this difficult time in our lives, and pray for us all to have the patience that is needed to get us through this event.
It is very hard right now for L and C to grasp the full extent of what has happened. We must continue to remember that God works in mysterious ways. Baby T was just wonderful before the events unfolded yesterday, but as long as they stick together they can pull through this stronger than ever, with an amazing little boy!!
(And Grandpa and Grampy Art, I know you are up there wrapping him up in your love, so please give him a kiss and help him get stronger and healthier so we can bring him home!)
Last week she (L) started to experience some contractions, which was thought to be labor. So on Thanksgiving Eve, I took L and brother (C) to the hospital to get her checked out. We just knew this was the real deal, she had been dilated to a 3 at the Dr's office, and was 80% effaced, and at a -1 station, so things were already pretty progressed. We went in they hooked her up and started monitoring her. They could see she was having contractions and was in a little bit of pain. After speaking with the Dr, they decided to keep her for 4 hours for observation. We were told that if her cervix made any change at all, they would be keeping her and letting her progress with labor. Well, of course, (since baby T is the first for her) she made no change, so they sent us home. Obviously L and C were disappointed, but we were ready to wait it out for precious baby T. So on comes Monday and L is in quite a bit of pain, so she called the Dr and they had her come in to take a look. When they checked her she was dilated to a 4, 90% effaced and still at a -1 station. The Dr was pretty sure that she was in labor, so he sent her on over to the hospital to get hooked up and get rocking and rolling with this baby. Well, needless to say after being at the hospital for 3 hours her cervix made no change again, although she was having contractions about every 2 min, so they sent us home again. On Tuesday, L was still in quite a bit of pain but was going to wait it out. The Dr's nurse had heard that they didn't keep her and that she was still laboring it out, so she called L and had her come to the office to see the Dr that was on-call for the day. L and C go to the office to get checked out, thinking that they will probably be sent over to the hospital to have her water broken so labor can get started, only to find out the Dr didn't think she was far enough along in labor to jump-start the process, so they sent her home. Again, L and C were very disappointed. That afternoon L got a call from the Dr's office letting her know that if baby T isn't here by Dec 9th then they were going to induce her that day.
Now, that all brings us to yesterday. I told you all that so you can see how healthy the baby was, and how good mom was doing just progressing along with labor. Yesterday morning, L, left C's apartment to go get her mail from her mom's house. She was on her way back to the apartment when a man ran a stop sign and basically hit L head on. L was driving the speed limit, which was 55 mph, so she had no time to brake and get stopped before being hit. The force caused the air-bags to deploy, and you can all see where this is going, as L was 38 weeks pregnant yesterday. She was taken by ambulance to the hospital where they made the swift decision to deliver baby T as he was in distress. He had a very faint heart beat, so they knew that they had to move fast. They immediately rushed L back for an emergency c-section, so C was not allowed to be in attendance. As soon as they got to baby T they could tell he was not in good condition, and immediately moved him up to the NICU. C went with baby T to get the news for L and the family. It was definitely not the news that we were hoping or praying for. Baby T was without oxygen for quite some time, and he lost a lot of blood, as the placenta abrupted from mom at some point. Due to his blood loss and lack of oxygen, his body temp was elevated. In order to help reduce his temp and to keep baby T healthy, they have had to place him on a "cooling mat" that regulates the temperature of water that runs through a small pillow-like mat that baby T is resting his head on. This mat is helping to keep his body temp at 92.8 degrees while they continue to do work on him and help him survive.
That now brings us to today, where baby T is still in the NICU, and fighting for his life. He lost a lot of blood due to this incident and has therefore had to have 3 blood transfusions. His heart rate was low in the beginning, but it is working it's way back up. His blood pressure was also very low, so they have been administering meds to him to elevate his pressure. His pressure is getting to where it needs to be, so they are starting to wean him off of them, and we are praying that he keeps his blood pressure at a normal rate. Now, this has just turned into a waiting game, waiting to see what will happen in 72 hours. The 72 hours comes into play, as he has to be on the cooling mat for 72 hours, to give his brain a chance to heal itself, and reduce any chance of brain damage. This has to be the hardest part for L and C. I sit here and cry now, just thinking about baby T, and the uncertainty that lies ahead. Don't get me wrong, baby T is making progress, quite a bit of progress, as he is working on taking more breaths on his own (as the ventilator has been doing most of his breathing for him for the last 2 days). He also started to try to open his eyes today to see L and C when they would talk to him. This poor little baby has not even been able to be held and comforted by mom yet. He is sedated due to the medicine, so L and C are not allowed to stimulate him too much. They can say his name softly, and just lay a finger on him, but that is it. They have to stand to the side and watch the machines work on their baby, and continue to pray for the wonderful news that we shall receive very soon. Baby T has been on that mat for about 36 hours right now, so we still have another 36 to go. I never knew how hard it was to just wait for 72 hours to pass.
I am not sure how L and C have made it to this point. I am an emotional wreck. I am only the Ne-Ne (a.k.a an Aunt to many of you,) but this little guy means the world to me!!! I never knew in all the 26 years of my life that I could ever love someone as much as I love T, and my other niece (L) and nephew (A). I literally get out of bed every morning for them. I go to work every day for them, so that I may give them everything they could ever want. These kids are my world!! I would die for any one of them, at any point, for any reason. I am just so unbelievably thankful to be a Ne-Ne to 3 amazing little kids, and I am truly blessed for that. I am sure that L and C know it, but I would literally give up my life so that baby T could just wake up and be okay. I pray everyday that I could take all of the pain/trauma out of his body and allow me to fight this fight for him. He is such a tough little guy and a fighter already, and I know he has a ton of prayers going up for him. Someone up there (a.k.a. Grandpa and Grampy Art) sure are looking out for this little guy, b/c things could have ended so differently already. I am just working on trying to be strong for L and C and the family for this little guy. Every time I have walked away from his room I lose strength just a little more. I just hate to leave him up there, and I hate the fear of the unknown. I am not a patient person, so waiting for this news is killing me!!! I am feeling extremely guilty that there isn't more that I can do to help them and help baby T. I feel guilty for being able to come home and get in my bed and sleep (when I can) away from all the noise and trauma. I feel guilty for baby T b/c he can't enjoy his life yet, this is just an awful way to come into this world.
L and C are already amazing parents! But they are starting to feel the shock of this whole situation. Being C's big sister, I hate to see him hurt. I cannot physically stand to see him cry, (I think it is a guy thing b/c I can't stand to see my dad cry either). I understand that L and C may break down occasionally, and rightfully so, but they have been soooo strong!! They are making several trips a day to the other side of the hospital up and down several different elevators to check on baby T. It is getting hard on L and C to see their baby this way, so helpless, just laying there with a gazillion tubes and wires coming from his tiny little body, and it is staring to show. So I will continue to pray for L and C to have the strength they need to make it through this time, and to continue to be the rocks that baby T needs them to be. I would love if you would continue to pray for my family as we go through this difficult time in our lives, and pray for us all to have the patience that is needed to get us through this event.
It is very hard right now for L and C to grasp the full extent of what has happened. We must continue to remember that God works in mysterious ways. Baby T was just wonderful before the events unfolded yesterday, but as long as they stick together they can pull through this stronger than ever, with an amazing little boy!!
(And Grandpa and Grampy Art, I know you are up there wrapping him up in your love, so please give him a kiss and help him get stronger and healthier so we can bring him home!)
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